How to deal with embarrassing parents

This article was first published in May 2019.

YouTuber, Raylee, aged 13 gives us her inside track and first-hand account of how embarrassing parents can be when you are making the move to secondary school.

They try to be ‘cool’

Sometimes parents will try to be ‘relatable’ or ‘cool’, but let’s be real, using words like ‘lit’ and ‘shook’ is not something anyone wants to hear their mum or dad say… and it’s even worse when you are with your friends. I have memories of my parents using phrases like ‘I am shook’, or ‘this food is well lit’ in front of my fellow Year 7’s. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Like, what if people think they actually talk like that? If your parents start trying to be cool, you could just ask them to stop using the new ‘relatable’ words in public and speak proper English like they teach us in school. If this doesn’t work, as a last resort, you might agree that they can use them at home - away from school. They should get the message.

They use embarrassing nicknames

Remember when you were younger and you had that embarrassing nickname? Well, being called that nickname in secondary school is a guaranteed way of being embarrassed. My parents always called me ‘chicken’ when I was younger, I don’t know why, but they did. Imagine if your classmates at your new secondary school found that out. You would be the talk of your class, but not for the right reasons and they would most likely start calling you ‘chicken’ for the remainder of the year. That would not only be embarrassing, but also upsetting. So, it is way better for parents to use nicknames like that when no one from school is around, or just not at all.

They forget how old you are

A prime example of parents forgetting your age, is not giving you the freedom to go out on your own. This is one my parents had a hard time understanding. With everyone around you planning to walk to school or go to the cinema on their own, it is pretty awkward to say “can my parents come?” or “my parents won’t let me”. Believe me, it’s not a good look. But remember, your parents only want to keep you safe, and it takes time for them to see you as a young adult. You could try telling them how you really feel about it and come to a compromise. The way I got around this is by making sure I rang them as I was leaving school and letting them drop me off and pick me up when I was going to places for the first time.

They are too affectionate in public

Most kids want to be more independent, and starting secondary school is the perfect opportunity for this - especially since the school is full of older kids. However, when your parents are shouting “I love you, I miss you, see you soon” at the school gates, it’s going to make you feel like a six year old and look like one to others your age. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love your parents, it’s just not something we want people to see in public, is it? How I usually get around this without hurting my parents’ feelings, is asking to be dropped off in less crowded areas. For example, near the school, but definitely not at the school gates.

If you need support

You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.

If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

There are more links to helpful organisations on BBC Action Line.