Seven things we learnt about masculinity in 2017
The events of the past 12 months have re-opened conversations about whether conventional expectations of masculinity are – or at least can be - toxic.
This year Woman's Hour guests, from comedian Robert Webb to Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood, have questioned the rigid ideas of what makes a man. Here's what we learnt.
1. Stereotypical ideas about gender are harming all of us
Robert Webb grew up learning rules like 'men don't cry' and 'men don't show emotion', and has examined the damage that can result in his book, How Not To Be A Boy.
He explains: “It felt to me [at school] that boys were specifically trained to bottle their emotions up and shrug them off. Some of those rules for being a boy, and indeed for being a man, get in our way and then we end up getting in everybody else’s way.
"If you don’t take responsibility for your feelings, your feelings become your sister’s problem, your mum’s problem, your wife’s problem, even your daughter’s problem.”
Robert Webb wants to rewrite masculinity
The comedian on why he thinks stereotypical rules about gender are harming all of us.
2. Not all male solidarity is bad - but call it out when it is
Conventional masculinity led journalist and author Chris Hemmings to destructive behaviours when he was at university. A self-confessed former lad, he says he became part of the problem.
“Male camaraderie is brilliant. We always talk about strength as this real masculine thing. But real strength is having that inner strength to say ‘no’ to things. If you see something happening [that is inappropriate], be the person that steps in.
"If you’re big enough to join the rugby club, you should be brave enough to step in and say no, and I wasn’t. That’s my biggest shame.”
3. Male role models are really important
Robert says he lacked male guidance growing up.
“My father was on a short fuse and I don’t think he really knew what to do with young children. He physically punished his children in a way that is entirely unthinkable now, but it wasn’t particularly unusual for that time and place.”
“My stepfather was bumbly, and not exactly Captain Charisma, but absolutely decent.
“The search for a male role model went on, for someone who was dynamic without acting like a psychopath, and someone who was gentle without being a bit of a pretty dozy guy, watching Bullseye and picking his nose.”
4. Not conforming to so-called male behaviour can be liberating
Chris says he's now broken through these 'rules' Robert speaks of, and the conventional expectations of being a man.
“Having thrown the shackles off, everything is so much better in my life. I find life so much easier now. I am able to be freer and open with myself and the people around me.
“I now have non-sexual relationships with women and hey, they’re amazing.”
Locker room banter: I know we shouldn't, it's just what guys do
Gary McNair & Orla O'Loughlin on recording and staging men's locker room conversations.
5. It's ok for men to talk about their problems
Choreographer and Strictly judge Craig Revel-Horwood has been very open about having breast-reduction surgery.
“I talked about it because a lot of men suffer male imbalance in their hormones, and you end up having breast tissue.
“It’s largely never spoken about and I think men are embarrassed about it – I was. I couldn’t get rid of them until I had a breast reduction. I had it cut out and I’ve never been happier; I wish I’d have done it earlier.
“It wasn’t really to do with looks; it was to do with a mental attitude towards it… it’s been life-changing.”
'I've struggled with porn addiction'
Two men discuss why they agreed to have their manhood photographed for a book.
6. Don’t be afraid to be who you are
In 2011 BBC Three released a documentary called Jamie: Drag Queen at 16, which has now been turned into a West End musical.
Jamie, now 22, told Woman's Hour that he hopes the musical, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie, will inspire others to be themselves.
“I didn’t think I was doing anything exceptional at the time, I was just staying true to myself. Not everybody has to be a teenage drag queen. Whatever you want to do, just do it and do it 100%.”
His mum Margaret agrees: “Just have belief, don’t let anybody say you can’t do anything. You can. What is normal? Who made the box?
"If you believe in what you want to do, the only person stopping you is you.”
7. But the real change is yet to come
The Times newspaper columnist David Aaronovitch says the allegations against Harvey Weinstein are at the far end of a spectrum of behaviour that needs to be addressed.
“The issue isn’t whether a clumsy and horrible pass at a restaurant constitutes sexual assault. It’s whether or not it constitutes putting a woman in a position which is really difficult, without realising that you’ve done it."
Comeian Kae Kurd agrees: “We’re much more knowledgeable now on what constitutes sexual harassment, but a lot of men are very confused and a lot of young men don’t have the emotional intelligence to gauge what is wanted and what isn’t wanted.
“We need to take a firm look at how we’re educating young men and boys from a very early age, their actions towards women and towards each other as well.”
Woman's Hour will be discussing what it's like growing up as a man today on Wednesday 27th December. The programme will be available here shortly after it has been broadcast.
