This article was first published in August 2018.
Some people like to plan every small detail, while others are happy to just go with the flow.
But whether you’re a natural-born project manager or as chilled as can be, we all like to feel we have some kind of plan – it’s only human. But sometimes life can throw you a curve ball at the worst possible time, like when you’re about to start uni or in the middle of your exams. Our inspiring coaches went through some tough stuff, so we’ve asked them to tell us how they got through it.
In this short film, our young coaches explain how they coped with the unexpected.
"My foundation course came with a bit of a shock because I started that in September and, two weeks into the course, I found out that I was pregnant with my little boy. My tutors were quite like, 'If you need any extra time, that's fine. We understand you are preparing for a baby,' and they were really, really supportive. I handed my work in, passed, and then the next thing was starting uni.However, starting uni would have been that I was going when my little boy was six months old, and the university I'd applied towas 100 miles away and he couldn't go with me."
"The first person I told was my mum. My mum's like my proper little support system and the first thing she said was: 'I'll support you through anything you decide to do. Just please stay at uni.' And I think that was the most important thing she ever said to me because I've still done what I wanted to do originally. It's just now I'm working a lot harder because it doesn't affect me, it affects my little boy as well."
"School was difficult because I had so much bullying. I went through all kinds of things with the teachers. Because of my dyslexia and my dyspraxia, it really pushed me back quite a lot. You just had to find that willpower and actually put your hand up and say, 'Look, I actually need help.'"
"Changing schools is going to be nerve-racking at any stage. Everyone has to do it in the process to year seven. For me, I moved during year eight, I moved in January, and I did that because of bullying. I did it because I no longer felt safe in the school that I was in. Nobody in that new school I'd ever seen in my entire life. I wasn't on name terms with people for about two weeks after I first joined. Luckily for me, however, it was a positive move."
"Whatever your problem may be, maybe it's at home or it's at school or if it's something that you have, it shouldn't stop you from achieving what you want to achieve."
"When I was younger, I wanted to become a doctor because I've always helped out my sick family members, so it's just something that's been in me since I was a kid."
"Your tutors and your teachers, they've been through what you've been through so they can relate to anything that you might ask them. I think it's just getting students to come out of their own shell and explain and talk to people about the story and then get help,which is the most important thing."
"Actually, it's a really good life skill. You'll need to do this quite a lot throughout your life."
"Online, there are forums with other people that have gone through similar situations. It's easy to get navigated through to the right groups for yourself, for your own situation, and you can easily link up with people that are going through similar things to you, whether it is being a single mother, being a teen mother, going through university. Every single pathway you could physically think of, there will be someone that has done the same as you."
If you’re going through something you weren’t expecting:
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Family, friends and teachers will be keen to support you and will do the best they can. Find someone who can make things easier and help you through this difficult time.
- Remember change is inevitable in life. Learning to cope with it is one of the most precious skills we can develop
- The internet can also be a place of inspiration, but be careful of the source of your information. There’s a lot of advice out there – from articles by qualified psychologists, to inspirational quotes to print out and hang in your bedroom
- There are also some great supportive forums where you can meet like-minded people, but be wary of any which seem odd, demanding or negative. Always remember: meeting in person with people you only know online can be dangerous – even more so when you’re vulnerable. If you decide to meet an online friend, make sure your parents and friends know where you’re going, and only agree to meet up in a busy public place
- A life crisis is an upsetting, unsettling experience, but there can be a silver lining. You’ll become more resilient and grow confident in the knowledge that you survived, and you will also be able to understand others who face similar challenges and help them to cope with the unexpected crisis.
If you need support
You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.
If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
There are more links to helpful organisations on BBC Action Line.
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